If you’ve ever thought: “How can I help my girlfriend with anxiety attacks without making it worse?” – you’re not alone. Many partners want to offer comfort but feel unsure how to respond when anxiety strikes. Watching someone you love struggle with overwhelming fear can be heartbreaking – and sometimes frustrating – when you don’t know what to do.

Anxiety attacks (sometimes called panic attacks) can appear suddenly, causing symptoms like rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, and intense feelings of dread. In the moment, logic often won’t help – what matters is offering the right kind of support. How you respond can either help her feel safe and grounded, or unintentionally heighten her distress.

Unfortunately, even well-intentioned partners often make common mistakes:

• Trying to “fix” the anxiety too quickly.
• Telling her to “calm down.”
• Becoming anxious themselves.
• Giving too much advice, too soon.

Your goal isn’t to solve her anxiety, but to support her through it. With understanding, patience, and a few key skills, you can help your girlfriend feel more secure – both during anxiety attacks and in your overall relationship.

This guide will show you what every partner should know: how to recognize an anxiety attack, how to respond in the moment, what to avoid, and how to be a steady, supportive presence over time.

Understanding Anxiety Attacks

Before you can help your girlfriend during an anxiety attack, it’s important to understand what she’s going through – and why these episodes happen in the first place.

What an Anxiety Attack Is (vs Panic Attack or General Anxiety)

The terms “anxiety attack” and “panic attack” are often used interchangeably, but there are some differences. In clinical terms:

• A panic attack is an intense surge of fear or discomfort that peaks within minutes. It often happens suddenly, even without a clear trigger.
• An anxiety attack (while not an official diagnosis) typically refers to an episode of heightened anxiety that builds gradually in response to a stressor or worry, and may last longer.

Both can involve overwhelming physical and emotional symptoms. Anxiety attacks tend to feel more tied to ongoing life stress or specific fears, while panic attacks can feel more sudden and random.

Common Symptoms to Recognize

During an anxiety attack, your girlfriend might experience:

• Racing or pounding heart
• Shortness of breath or feeling like she can’t breathe
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Sweating, trembling, or shaking
• Chest discomfort
• Nausea or stomach distress
• Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
• Feeling detached from reality or her own body (derealization/depersonalization)

It’s important to remember that these symptoms are real and terrifying to her – even if they aren’t caused by any immediate danger.

Why They Happen: The Fight-or-Flight System

Anxiety attacks occur because the body’s fight-or-flight response is being triggered inappropriately. The brain perceives a threat (real or imagined), and floods the body with adrenaline and stress hormones. This prepares the body to “escape” – but in modern life, there often is no physical danger to run from.

As a result, your girlfriend may feel trapped in an overwhelming wave of physical symptoms and fear that seem to come “out of nowhere.”

One study from Biological Psychiatry notes that dysregulated amygdala activity (the brain’s fear center) plays a key role in triggering anxiety and panic responses.

What to Do During an Anxiety Attack

When your girlfriend is in the middle of an anxiety attack, your calm and supportive presence can make a huge difference. The key is not to “fix” her anxiety – but to help her feel safe, grounded, and understood as it passes.

How to Stay Calm and Grounded Yourself

First and foremost: manage your own emotions. It’s normal to feel helpless or scared when watching someone you love in distress – but if you become anxious, it will likely make her feel worse.

Take a deep breath. Remind yourself: this is an anxiety attack, it will pass, and your calm presence is the best support you can offer right now.

Verbal and Non-Verbal Ways to Support

• Stay close (if she’s comfortable with it), and use a gentle, steady voice.
• Offer simple, supportive phrases:
  • “I’m here with you.”
  • “You’re safe right now.”
  • “It will pass.”
• Avoid rapid-fire questions or too much talking.
• If she’s open to it, encourage slow breathing: “Let’s take a breath together.”
• Mirror calm body language – relaxed posture, slow movements.

Phrases That Help – and Ones to Avoid

Helpful:

• “I’m right here.”
• “You’re doing great – just breathe.”
• “This will pass – you’ve gotten through it before.”

Unhelpful:

• “Calm down.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
• “Just stop thinking about it.”

Such comments – though well-meant – can make her feel dismissed or ashamed, which may worsen the attack.

Importance of Respecting Her Boundaries During an Attack

Every person responds to anxiety attacks differently. Some want physical closeness (a hand to hold), while others prefer space. If your girlfriend has told you what she needs during an attack, honor that. If you’re unsure, you can gently ask:

• • “Would you like me to sit with you?”

• “Do you want some space?”

Listening and respecting her boundaries helps build trust – and prevents your efforts from unintentionally adding stress.

When you stay calm, present, and nonjudgmental, you help create the sense of safety she needs most in that moment.

How to Support Your Girlfriend Between Anxiety Attacks

While your response during an anxiety attack matters, what you do between attacks can have an even bigger impact on your girlfriend’s well-being – and your relationship. This is when trust is built, coping skills are strengthened, and anxiety can gradually lose its grip.

Building Trust and Open Communication

Make space for honest conversations – when she’s calm – not just during anxious moments. Let her know you want to understand her experience and support her in ways that feel good for her.

You can say:

• “I know this is hard sometimes. If you ever want to tell me more about what it’s like for you, I’m here.”
• “Is there anything you’d like me to do – or not do – when you’re feeling anxious?”

This helps normalize the topic of anxiety, rather than making it something to avoid or be ashamed of.

Learning Her Triggers (If She Knows Them)

Many people with anxiety attacks begin to notice patterns or triggers – stressful social situations, exhaustion, certain types of conflict.

If your girlfriend is aware of her triggers, learn about them together so you can be more understanding. If she doesn’t know them yet, exploring this gently (when she’s ready) can help her feel more in control over time.

Helping Her Practice Coping Techniques

Support her in building coping skills – things she can turn to when feeling anxious. For example:

• Deep breathing exercises
• Grounding techniques (like focusing on the five senses)
• Visualization of a calming scene
• Having a pre-event plan for managing anxiety before an event

Practicing these skills together when she’s not in an anxious state can increase confidence and help prevent attacks.

Encouraging – Not Pushing – Professional Help When Needed

If anxiety attacks are frequent or severely impacting her life, seeing an anxiety therapist can be life-changing.

However, it’s important to offer encouragement – not pressure. Pushing too hard can feel controlling. 

You might say:

“I wonder if talking to someone could really help with this. If you ever want help finding a good therapist, I’d be happy to help.”

Let her take the lead, while making it clear that you’re supportive of getting help.

When to Encourage Professional Support

Anxiety attacks can be incredibly disruptive – not only for your girlfriend, but for your relationship, too. While your support as a partner is valuable, there are times when professional therapy can offer the tools and guidance that make a real difference.

Signs That Extra Help Is Needed

Encourage your girlfriend to consider professional support if:

• The anxiety attacks are happening frequently or becoming more intense.
• Her anxiety is starting to interfere with daily life – work, friendships, or personal goals.
• She avoids situations she previously enjoyed because of fear.
• Her coping strategies (if any) are no longer helping.
• She expresses feelings of hopelessness or depression alongside her anxiety.

Left untreated, anxiety attacks can lead to increased isolation, depression, or strained relationship) dynamics. Early support can prevent these outcomes and foster healthier patterns.

How Therapy (Such as CBT) Can Help

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for anxiety disorders, including panic and anxiety attacks. According to multiple studies, CBT helps individuals:

• Identify unhelpful thought patterns
• Build healthier coping mechanisms
• Gradually face feared situations with more confidence (Clinical Psychology Review, 2012)

Therapy offers a safe space where your girlfriend can process her experiences, learn about her anxiety, and gain practical tools to manage it.

How to Suggest Professional Help in a Supportive Way

Timing and tone matter. When she’s calm – not in the middle of an attack – you can say:

“You’ve been dealing with so much. Maybe talking with an anxiety therapist could give you some more tools to make it easier.”

The goal is to frame therapy as a positive option – not a sign of weakness or failure. It’s about empowerment and self-care.

About Wellness Road Psychology

At Wellness Road Psychology, our experienced therapists help individuals and couples manage anxiety and strengthen their emotional well-being. If your girlfriend is struggling with anxiety attacks – or if you’d like support for your relationship – we’re here to help. Book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our licensed anxiety specialists today.